Posts Tagged "rape culture"
Twice, on my dashboard today I’ve read the phrase, “you can’t rape the willing”.
It’s time for another Truth About Me, because I feel like this story needs to be told.
Before I was married, I was sexually involved with a guy. It was very open, fun, and we had sex in ways that were experimental to us and pleased us both. Sometimes it was rough, other times it was gentle, but it was always good.
One night I was at a bonfire party with a bunch of friends, and He showed up. Angry. I’m still not sure what he was angry about, but I got in his truck to talk to him about it. I wasn’t afraid of him - he’d never given me reason to fear.
He drove for a bit, into the dark country night, and pulled over. “Get in the back”, he said.
We had spent so much time in the bed of his truck - talking, laughing, fucking - that I didn’t hesitate. No alarms went off in my head. I went.
I would have fucked him happy, any way he wanted. I never said no. I always wanted it as much as he did.
But that night, he held me down and he raped me. The turning point for me was when I told him a tire iron was digging into my back and it hurt…and his response was, “shut the fuck up” as he pushed his hand onto my mouth. He covered my nose and mouth so I couldn’t breathe, and I fought until I began to lose consciousness. I remember vividly the moment I thought with wonder, “so this is how I’ll die…”.
He beat me and left me in that field. I’m not sure how I lost consciousness in the end - lack of oxygen or from whatever left the huge lump on my head. But I woke up the next morning in the talk grass. Naked. Bruised. With my clothes scattered around me.
You CAN rape the willing. Rape isn’t about sex. It’s not about pleasure. It’s about punishment and anger and fear. I’m not talking about taking rough sex too far - I’m talking about Rape. It’s not sex. It’s violence that comes from someplace else.
You CAN rape the willing.
I am so sorry that such a horrible, violent thing happened to you. But thank you for having the bravery to share your story and fight for other women who have been through similar things, and are met with the same negative reaction from people who have indulged in too much rape culture without enough knowledge about it.
This story fights against one of the most common (and worst) rape myths there is: that rape cannot occur within a relationship. Or at least that it’s “not as bad” as rape by a stranger. But think about that a little more carefully. As the This is Not an Invitation to Rape Me campaign writes about rape within a relationship, “The experience of rape for a woman in this situation is compounded by a complete breach of trust by someone once loved – often the foundation of her personal life and security. ”
Sex is something that requires consent on the part of both partners with every individual act.There is NO situation in which a woman gives up her right to consent. Even in a regular sexual relationship, even in a marriage.
And as the OP wrote, rape is not (always) about sexual gratification. If it was, a rapist could just as well hire a prostitute. Rape is about exerting power over another individual as a means of revenge, anger, guilt, etc. It is first and foremost a crime of violence. Every victim deserves the same respect and resources for help. In what place do you believe yourself to be if you are discounting the suffering of another woman?
While they won’t stop rape, the condoms (worn by women) have jagged-teeth inside to tear penises up, and can only be removed by doctors.
The inventor, Dr Sonnet Ehlers, was inspired to create the painful condom after she met a woman who’d been raped. The woman apparently told Ehlers “if only I had teeth down there,” which encouraged her to look at ways to make men regret their actions.
Women fearful of being raped can insert the Rape-Axe condom inside themselves like a diaphragm or tampon. If her worst fears come true, and a man attempts to rape her, the Rape-Axe’s inside hooks attach themselves to the penis and don’t come off, instead getting even tighter and stopping the man from being able to urinate. The only way to remove it is by seeing a doctor—which will obviously help with prosecution.
Okay… I don’t even know exactly what I am asking for here, I just know that I have been approached by a desperate teenager and have NO IDEA what resources exist in Newaygo, Michigan. This young woman was raped by a classmate a few months ago and just found out she is pregnant. She is sure her parents will kick her out. I don’t want to tell her what to do (not that I even know), I want to help her figure out what her options are so that she can make choices with support for whatever they are.
If anyone knows anything about what rape, pregnancy, shelter for teens, or abortion options exist where she is, PLEASE SHARE. Thank you.
NEED HELP IN MICHIGAN!
This is about an hour outside of Grand Rapids. I don’t have any information on me right now, but I’ll look into it soon. Signal boosted.
I’m in Grand Rapids as well. She needs to get herself to the nearest hospital…it doesn’t necessarily need to be a specialized clinic like Planned Parenthood. Hippocratic oaths require secrecy…but I’m not sure how they depend on her age if she’s a minor.
Newaygo Medical Center/General Hospital
211 W Pine Lake Dr, Newaygo
Women’s health services in Fremont
1401 West Main Street, Fremont
The nearest Planned Parenthood clinics:
Cherry St. Center (Irwin/Martin)
425 Cherry Street SE, Grand Rapids
Big Rapids Center
208 South Michigan Avenue, Big Rapids
3641 Byron Center Avenue Southwest, Wyoming, MI
SIGNAL BOOST—ANYONE IN MI WITH BETTER INFORMATION??